How to L.I.S.T.E.N., so People will listen to you.

L 

 Look at them with love.  Show love with your eyes.  

"Jesus felt genuine love for the man as he looked straight at him." Mark 10:21 

"God has given us eyes to SEE with and ears to LISTEN with." Prov. 20:12 (TEV)

I 

 Invest as much time as needed.   Don't hurry when listening.  The deeper the pain the fewer words you use.  

"When Job's three close friends heard of the tragedy Job had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. . . Then they sat on the ground with Job silently for seven days and nights. And no one said a word, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words."John 2:11-13 (NLT)

S  

Share their feelings. Not your solution.  Don't try to fix it.  Even if you know the solution.   Mirror their pain.  

"Anyone who answers quickly without listening first is both foolish and insulting." Proverbs 18:13

"Mary fell at Jesus' feet and cried out, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.' When Jesus saw her weeping, along with many others, he was deeply moved. 'Where have you buried his body?' he asked. 'Come and see, Lord' they replied. Jesus wept. Then the people said, "Look how deeply he loved him!"John 11:32-36

T  

Tune in to any fear or hurt beneath the hurt.  What they're saying may be offensive.  Look past their anger to their hurt, fear, & frustration.    

". . . Be sympathetic, loving each other like family, and be kind and humble." 1 Peter 3:8

". . . we must bear the 'burden' of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others . . . " Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good and thus build him up in the Lord."Romans 15:2 (LB)

E  

 Engage them with open ended questions.  The magic phrase is "tell me more".  

"People's thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out." Proverbs 20:5 (TEV) 

N  

Never judge until you have all the facts.  The more you listen.  The more you learn.  

"What a shame--yes, how stupid!--to decide before knowing the facts!. . . A person with understanding gets the facts and the wise person listens to learn more."